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[I'm adding this letter from Pottergrrl that I'd previously only posted on my secret blog�I guess because some of the the sting has finally worn off.}
315.
Okay. I know I've gained weight, but still believe that this side effect of my new antidepressant is worth it in the short term�at least until I feel more emotionally stable. I work out on a regular basis to try to counter this weight gain too�at least when I'm not driving to and from the mountains. But i just don't believe that vegetarians are the only truly healthy people on the planet.
And frankly, unthoughtful, self-righteous, mean-spirited, hurtful bullshit like this does not help me or any other person who struggles with weight gain one damn bit.
Dear writergrrrl,
You are right that there are other factors playing into my desire for some distance. I love you enough to be perfectly honest with you. I think I was hoping to get out of facing it, but you deserve to know, I think. I don�t know if you want to hear it. I don�t think it will be easy for you to hear. It certainly is not easy for me to write because I don�t want to hurt your feelings. Enough introduction, I�ll get to the point:
While there are many things that I find attractive about you, your girth is not, and never has been one of them. I don�t like admitting that. I know all the arguments about why this is a shallow reason, but there it is. I know you are the same person inside no matter what your exterior looks like. Of course you have more to offer the world than a body that fits into a size ten pair of jeans! It should not make any difference, but it does. In many ways, I am still discovering who I am, and what I like and don�t like. I never know until I am in a situation how I will feel or react. I thought with time I would get used to it, and it would not be so important, but it is important. I am an artist, and I have an esthetic sense that is no doubt strongly influenced by my culture, but not much influenced by my rational mind, I find. I don�t know what you see or think when you look into the mirror, but you are an artist, too. You too have a strong sense of esthetics, so I think you will understand what I mean.
Think about it, writergrrlr. Try to look at this whole situation objectively. I am asking you to do a difficult thing: Pretend you are I, and look at yourself through the eyes of a viewer. Stand naked in front of a mirror, and look at yourself as if you were looking at someone else instead of your own reflection. Don�t suck anything in. Don�t stand at your flattering, normal, just-so angle, but look objectively from all sides. What do you see? What are your feelings? I�m sure you could argue the point, but you know being obese affects how you feel about yourself. Like it or not, there is a mind set that goes along with a body that fits into a size ten pair of jeans. There is also a mind set that goes along with a body that fits into a size 16 pair of jeans. It is obvious from your body language. Your self-confidence and assurance are adversely affected by the way you look.
In your case, the process of gaining weight has been a slow one. As if that were not enough incentive to change the way you live your one wild, beautiful life, the chronic health issues resulting from eating all-American, calorie-rich, nutrient-poor food and being obese ... will undoubtably start to crop up. You pine about being unable to do karate. That is over now. You just need to find a solution that works for you now. You already know you need to act. Your doctor knows it. I know it. Everybody knows it.
OK, so you don�t look as good as you would like, so your self-image suffers a little, no big deal.... I just kept wondering when you would hear the wake-up call and realize that what is imperative at this point is unrelenting, dogged dedication to change.... Will the wake-up call have to be a heart attack before your 50th birthday? You and I both know without me mentioning it that that is exactly the direction in which you are headed full throttle every time you eat meat.
When you found out the results of your physical's stress echo test, instead of breathing a huge sigh of relief that the damage is still reversible at this point and making the necessary changes as fast as you could, you chose to focus on what you considered to be an over reaction on my part. Once again, you took the focus off of the hard work you need to do, and put it on something else. You tried to lull me into the same complacence you demonstrate when confronted with the seriousness of your condition....
You could accomplish a great deal more by turning the spotlight onto the real problem. Spend as much time doing research on vegetables, finding healthful recipes, and cooking low-fat, high antioxidant, nutrient-dense tasty meals.
Maybe you don�t make excuses anymore. I don�t know. Maybe you�ve turned your brilliant mind and your admirable traits of determination and ambition to better use. You ... could have gone on a sensible diet involving life-style and attitude changes, and are losing no more than the recommended two pounds a week; you could have decided potato chips and French onion dip are just not worth it ever, and are instead eating raisin and pumpkin seed snacks by now for all I know.
You can talk to all your friends, and find all the support you need to convince yourself that I make assumptions about you, or that I have other issues rendering me incapable of loving you, or whatever. But believe me, I know way more than I wish I did about the consequences of being obese.
Writergrrrl, I don�t chose to live my one beautiful, wild life trying in vain to convince you that your habits are going to shorten your life. You have dug your heels in at everything I have said. Fine. You can be stubborn on your own. I just hope you yourself are harder to convince than you thought I would be. I hope the whole thing plagues your heart out to the point that you will finally act. The bad news is: The longer you wait, the harder it will become. Many people never do it at all. Many people decide life isn�t worth living if they can no longer enjoy fried chicken, and they end up not dying from, but suffering from a heart attack, or worse a stroke. Obviously, the first one kills some people, but some are spared. At that point, some of them decide life may be worth living after all, even without butter in their grits, and they turn their lives around. Others don�t. I know what I am talking about! Writergrrrl, your life does not have to end like your father�s.
I feel that I�ve said too much�way too much, but ... I want to leave you in no doubt. I find I react to your resistance to what I have to say, and your arguments trying to prove I am wrong by pushing harder. I try to knock over the barriers. I want to get through to you, but don�t feel that I am. I still don�t feel that I am. You�ve used every coping mechanism known to woman to avoid admitting you need to drastically change your diet ... not just sort of, and not just for awhile till you have lost weight. I mean drastically, and forever. I get frustrated and angry, and push harder. That is not a good thing for either of us. Finally I did the only thing left for me to do, which is distance myself. I didn�t even do it consciously. I did it physically only after I noticed that I had already done it emotionally.
I wrote this at home on the weekend instead of trying to throw something together between my work duties. I have put a lot of thought into this communication. I carefully reread it, omitting what I felt was snide or sarcastic.... I don�t want to bog down in personality issues or get side tracked. I want to be honest and authentic because I love and respect you, and I don�t want to destroy what relationship is still salvageable. Please do me the favor of not replying to this e-mail for at least two weeks. Please think about what I have said, and then if you feel like replying, do so when you are not angry or smarting.
Love,
pottergrrrl
Would it be wrong of me to slice her sexy, elbow-length black gloves into tiny vegetarian slivers and return them to her? No. But wait. My fingers are clearly too obese to squeeze into a pair of scissors, so I guess I better just go take a look at myself in the mirror and remind myself of just how fucking unappealing I really am.
You scrawny-ass go-back-to-your-motherfucking-seventh-day-adventist-cult-already bitch.
23:38 p.m. - 2006-4-1
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