pantoum's Diaryland Diary

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INVESTIGATIVE REPORTER JILLITHAN SWIFT, REPORTING LIVE FROM PLANET OUT

292.

Just an old-fashioned love song playing on the radio and wrapped around the music is the sound of someone promising they�ll never go. You�ll swear you�ve heard it before as it slowly rambles on and on and no need it bringing it back �cause it�s never really gone....

So how�d I smoke Paul out? Well it occurred to me that Paul�s hair looks an awful lot like any number of haircuts at Michigan or Pride or, for that matter, my local writing group, then click! I realized that Adrienne has always sported that same bowly cut too and well you better just go ahead and sob into your dog-eared copy of Diving into the Wreck because, even though some people will insist that she couldn�t be Paul but has instead joined a remote Old Dyke Winnebago community somewhere in the desert, the truth is that this Adrienne construct is living proof of what a little hair dye and a lot of feminist theory can do to a man.

I never suspected that a small-time rock star could evolve like that, but of course Ladyslipper has been telling us for twenty-some-odd years now that Meg Christian abandoned wimmin�s music for higher enlightenment. Well that explanation always seemed a tad too convenient to me and turns out Meg�s ashram is a bunch of dildodeedoo.

Could it get any worse, you say. Well, I�m sad to report that Mab and Minnie Bruce aren�t even FROM Alabama and Dorothy ain�t from South Cackylacky either. Nope. The three chicas merely drove through the South on their way to a Janis Joplin concert, parked their Falcon in an obscure Bamberg, SC parking lot and, while sharing some of the Colonel�s secret recipe, decided that what the movement really needed were three professional lesbian southerners because, let�s face it, they are few and far between.

And the newer generation is no better. You know the writer Carol Guess? Well she says she lives in grungy groovy Seattle but turns out Tres Chicas must have left quite an impression on that little SC village because the femme dancer poet who fucks er is fucked by stone butches who morph into cats in between their factory shifts really lives in that very same place.

Then there�s Nanci Grifith, who�s not a dyke near as I can tell but I thought I�d investigate her anyway because her introduction to �Trouble in the Fields��the one that begins with most of her mama�s people coming from way out in WEST Texas in a little ol� place where her Uncle Tootie and Great Aunt Nettie Mae declare that they by-Gawd don�t want to LIVE in Oklahoma�just doesn�t jibe with my cassette recording of Nanci singing in an obscure Texas nightclub back when she�d only written �Mary Margaret� and a few other songs and, by Gawd, she hardly has any accent at all!

(This is true. I have a dubbed copy of the cassette and can prove it.)

And speaking of Texas, that state begins with a T and there are lots of dykes with bright orange Ts on their cars who are mighty depressed tonight because Duke just delivered Pat Summit�s previously undefeated no. 1 team a damn near thirty-point defeat. Hee.

�

And I am spinning yarns out of thin air and talking about college hoops so I don�t have to think about something I really don't want to think about.

READING:The Nation

12:24 a.m. - 2006-01-24

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