pantoum's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- GET USED TO IT 223. A series of granite ledges in the state of New Hampshire jutted out of a mountain in a particular pattern and formed what appeared to be an old man�s face. People flocked to see this granite visage and, eventually, the Old Man of the Mountain came to symbolize the state. But the old man imploded without warning one day and collapsed after a millennia of freezing and thawing undid what some glacier created all those millennia ago. What do you do when the symbols that represent you collapse, when you can no longer see yourself through the lens through which you are used to viewing yourself and being viewed? It seems like folly to attempt to reconstruct yourself in your former image, to insist that those same forces won�t eventually cause another collapse. So aren�t you better off accepting that freefall collapse into the unfamiliar void, trusting that the You to which you cling will experience salvation in a yet-to-be-revealed form? Maybe that�s what happened to Diane Arbus. Maybe she reached a spiritual impasse in the 1950s and realized that she had reached a point of no return, a place where she had to just take a leap of faith and believe that she�d be okay despite the fact that she was in freefall. Otherwise, she would collapse altogether, implode. Well, that�s faith, isn�t it? Because, let�s face it, all those �I Can�t Wait to See Heaven� songs combined don�t alter the fact that, when you lose yourself, you just don�t know what new symbols might coalesce and provide you with a whole new identity. And none of us knows with certainty what happens when we die. And maybe some of us just do a better job of getting used to this ambiguity. GW Bush said, of global warming, �we�ll get used to it,� but I have no intention of watching the fish die because I might get used to a different ecosystem or anything that asshole says. I do believe that sitting still during times of great change and just absorbing the changes until I get used to it and can breathe again could be the trick to surviving collapsing worlds/symbols, however. Change is the only constant. after all�andI can�t remember who uttered that, but could probably google it and find out if I weren�t so dang lazy.
LISTENING TO: unfortunately, a staff member played �Everybody Was Kung-Fu Fighting� (those kicks were fast as lightning) and asked if I remembered it. Yes. And now I can�t forget it. SINGING IN SHOWER: On Friday, driving down to Sunset Beach, Erin and Julia and I sang the round that goes�by the waters, the waters of Babylon� and it�s been stuck in my head ever since (till Kung Fu song, that is). Erin says that singing �Old Man River� will get rid of any song that�s stuck in your head, but she�s wrong. BEST OF SPAM: From: Esperanza Hendrix (she speaks the universal language while mouthing her guitar strings) 4:09 p.m. - 2005-08-09 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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