pantoum's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- PISSED OFF AND GOING UNDERGROUND You know, I was already having a crappy-ass day because a programmer forgot to invite me to a database demo and then my boss called and said "You are welcome to join us at any time. We are all waiting—only I had no idea what she was talking about and it wasn't on my calendar. Then I rescheduled a meeting that was about to start, then high-tailed it to a conference room full of people who thought I was a slacker. I double-checked and my name is definitely not on the invitation. Our division managers meeting was later this afternoon and we got the lowdown on the budget, which means I suddenly have a whole lot to do in the next week (when I already have three pressing projects at work plus freelance to complete at home). At this point, I could probably stay up till three a.m. every remaining night this week and still not get everything done on time. I don't think I mentioned this before, but I was pretty sure that Buzzcut wold be at BeeBop's birthday party with Philly in tow—you know, Philly who has been sending nasty emails to me even though I broke things off with Buzzcut not long after I discovered that she was in an ostensibly open relationship already. Anyway, Buzzcut apparently sent a cryptic email to BeBop saying "Bird is fine with it and Philly is fine with it, but I am not comfortable being at a party with both of them there together." Who says I'm fine with it? I didn't say that. Although it does provide an opportunity for me to tell Phillly to quit harassing me. Today I have been thinking about old therapy sessions and past one-sided relationships and asking myself to defend why I would even want to be Buzzcut's friend, and this just confirms that friendship is not a best idea. The other day, she hugged me and said, "Gawd, how can I give this up?," and then was cold to me for two weeks—I guess because she felt something. My response, however, is entirely within my control. And so is whether or not I have any kind of relationship with her (which I am not and have not been having). Buzzcut was not entirely honest with me and has issues. Issues. Issues. Issues. So what am I doing trying to retain a friendship with her? And now I learn that Philly is reading my blog! This is just too much. 8:22 p.m. - 2005-04-19 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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