pantoum's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- EMPTY There is a sudden, pressing need to fill a new position in my department pronto or I will lose it to fiscal-year-end budget shortages. I must move tactically to save the position and worked eleven hours toward that end today, but just have so little energy for a fight right now. Am trying to dig deep and find some though. I scheduled an emergency meeting for tomorrow morning and will finalize my decisions there, then get people in as quickly as possible, which is necessary ... and I may lose the position anyway, despite my best efforts. Am feeling scattered and lost and empty right now and know that I am not at my best, but am trusting that, if I just go through the motions, then the enthusiastic me will eventually come back. Went directly to my favorite gardens when I finally left work and sat on some rocks that jut out over a pond. The ducks and bats were really funny tonight, zipping around my head and splashing down into the water kerplunk before zigging and zagging about making waves and splashes and gliding up by my feet and stepping up onto nearby rocks and shaking their tail feathers and a few ducks even splashed me and they were, on the whole, extremely amusing. Two couples were making out on blankets on the other side of the pond and I tried not to think about all the picnics I enjoyed with the Ginger there. Am not doing very well at avoiding those memories right now though. 9:11 a.m. - 2005-04-07 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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