pantoum's Diaryland Diary

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RADICAL INCLUSION, AKA CONSCIOUSNESS BEYOND ARCHETYPE

Just read a piece by a Unitarian Universalist minister who talks about her "shared commitment to radical inclusion." I like that.

This also makes sense:

For me, a former Baptist trained to go directly to the source, I have never believed that Jesus died for me or for you. As a child the source was God; now it is our shared ground of being, consciousness beyond archetype, where I unburden my heart: hurts, shortcomings, vulnerabilities, deepest yearnings and questions. I still do not believe that Jesus died for me. And yet I have seen that deep change—change of the heart—usually happens because someone is suffering: When we realize that we have hurt those we love, our heart breaks open to their suffering and we are able to see beyond our individual walls.

This Easter, I am still looking for common ground ... looking to the suffering, death and resurrection of Jesus as a call to come back to that wounded place in ourselves, that from which we usually turn away, where we wound others and continue to wound ourselves. For George [a former Catholic minister and friend], it is the bedrock of his faith, calling him into relationship, into deep truth-telling about himself and his limits. I perceive a danger in dwelling or identifying with wounding or limitation, a danger in seeing salvation (wholeness) coming only through another, outside of oneself. For me the resurrection story is still metaphor, as concerns Jesus. Yet it also offers deep truth for each one of us. This story exhorts us to enter into the suffering we cause, so that we may experience resurrection by opening again to the unchangeable fact that we are part of one another and part of something much larger. Here in this wider heart may we be resurrected.—Mary Grigolia

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Several friends sent nice notes after I wrote that I hate myself. Thanks and appreciated. I'm fine, really, just mad at and disappointed in myself because I put some mighty big walls up around myself these last couple of weeks and am being self-protective to the point of not letting anyone anywhere near me. Am feeling pretty raw right now (which is a big reason I didn't have sex with Red this past weekend, despite her sexy flirting—I think climaxing would have just made me cry).

Got my metaphoric arms held firmly across my chest . . . and it's self-defeating.

I've never had an easy time trusting people, but am having a particularly hard time in that area right now.

I miss connection and intimacy with someone at the same confounding time though, damn it all.

3:04 p.m. - 2005-03-22

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