pantoum's Diaryland Diary

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DIVINE PUNISHMENT, OR, IS JEBUS A NAMBY-PAMBY FRAT BOY?

286.

As for me, I�m holding onto the hope that Pat�s latest decree will inspire Oral Roberts to climb back into his crystal tower and refuse to come down until Gawd gives a secret Jim Jones poison lemon-line electric Kool-Aid acid taste test to the idiots over at the 700 Club. And, man, I can�t WAIT till Pat finally dies so I can announce his death as Gawd�s wrath pouring down on the Christianists.

Meanwhile, Patso�s fellow Christianist pals must have gotten sick of twiddling their thumbs in between trying to take over school boards or debunk evolutionary theories�or maybe they�ve already gotten tired of waiting for next November to roll around so they can continue their crusade against the so-called liberal War on Christmas� because now they�re pressuring NBC stations to bump the �Book of Daniel,� which premieres Friday.

This show stars Aidan Quinn (and oh did he look good in Songcatcher. Oh. But wait. I�m a dyke, aren�t I? Hee.) as an Episcopal priest with a queer son and the Christianists insist that it�s just another indication of NBC�s �anti-Christian bigotry.�

The fact that a gay man produced the show no doubt encourages this view. And they are particularly unhappy about the fact that the priest has long conversations with Jesus.

Huh. I wonder who�s playing Jebus. Maybe they revived that Jesus of Montreal star�s Jebus complex and moved him to warmer Pacific climes where he can continue his savior gig.

Me? Well, I don�t understand how a show that features Jebus in a starring role can be labeled anti-Christian, but a spokesperson for James Dobson�s Focus on The (wildly restricted definition of) Family insists that this Aidan�s Jebus is �a namby-pamby frat boy who basically winks at every sin and perversity under the sun.�

Now what would they have him do when he encounters our foibles? Fart? Belch? Shoot electric lightning bolts out of his pinky fingers at us till we�re all dead (starting with Pat and W, please)?

But I guess they prefer that Old Testament gawd instead of someone aware of the human diversity that Christians say Gawd created, someone who focuses on the word �whosoever� in John 3.16. (Memo: there ain�t no asterisk after the word indicating that any of us are rejected from the mix, bigots.) Or maybe they would prefer Jebus as a gay boy in S/M gear whipping those moneychangers in a nice temple dungeon?

Meanwhile, the empathetic liberal Jebus of the New Testament would no doubt be thrilled that DeLay is finally on trial and the boy king�s feet are pressed to the fire and Abramoff�s so-called charitable giving has finally coming back to bite him and those other conservatives on their lily-white hairy asses. (Ugh! Donald Rumsfeld's ass. Now that's an image I can do without envisioning!) Perhaps those bad boys need a black leather whipping.

And it must make the moneychanger whipster savior of our myths very happy indeed to know that Abramoff�s plea agreement revealed that he funneled $50,000 to the wife of one of DeLay�s senior staff members (a woman who is probably in some Texas church right now praying her well-perfumed ass off that some higher being can get her out of this one). And hipster gawd may even be chuckling because the conservative�s misuse of the word �family� is coming back to bite them in the ass, since DeLay�s former chief of staff is purported to have run The US Family Network nonprofit in order to receive $1 million from one of Abramoff�s clients. Oh and I bet he�s happy as a clam to know that Randy Cunningham is headed to prison and that everyone now knows that Bill Frist (who can diagnose patients from a video) apparently used his AIDS charity to funnel half a million dollars to his pals. Yep. And I hear tell that folks in his home state are pretty unhappy that he seems to have pulled a Martha and sold some of his family�s HRC stock illegally too. Who knows, the scoundrel may not even get re-elected!

Meanwhile, the New York Times is all abuzz with talk about the symbiosis between lobbyists and lawmakers. Well, who�s surprised by THAT relationship? Makes you wonder why we legalized lobbying in the first place, doesn�t it? But huh, do you think it could be lawmaker greed?

SANG IN SHOWER: �The sun�s so hot and my heart is thumping. Let me buy you a beer or somethin�...� (Oh Lucinda. Your lines are such music to my ears.)

2:05 p.m. - 2006-01-06

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