pantoum's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I AM THIRD, OR, CHANGE IS THE ONLY CONSTANT 258. Pottergrrl says she can�t always feel happiness because the harsh reality is that happiness is fleeting. Life is fleeting. Love is fleeting. There is only the present tense and everything else is projection, unsustainable. We were both rejected not long ago, which of course serves to remind us that people are unfaithful and love may not last and one shouldn�t put one�s faith in such romantic notions as forever in the first place since it can all vanish in an instant. (Consider, for example, that Virginia woman who left a backyard cookout to grab another bag of ice at a nearby convenience store, called her husband to say �Start the steaks. Honey, I�m on my way,� hopped in her car, and was then squashed flat by a small plane that fell from the sky directly on top of her. Or consider walking in on your wife and her secret lover right after you made an offer on a house you both chose. Or getting dumped by your partner the very day the last of his children leaves the nest.) Freak accidents. Heart attacks. Affairs. Changes of heart. Shrivelled hearts. Then there�s always the possibility that one�s estranged husband will beg her to take him back, as several people have suggested will occur with Pottergrrl now that he realizes he can�t bully her out of her money in the divorce settlement. Change. It's the only constant. I don�t exactly want the Ginger back�she was acerbic so much of the time and her red-headed drama often left me rattled and in need of some calmness (but was inexplicably compelling at the same time)�but I do long for that belief in forever that I sustained for a period of time with her. I imagine this loss of faith�let�s call it a postlapsarian malaise, just to use a fifty-cent word on this crisp fall afternoon�is the hardest for most of us to bear. Pottergrrl's daughter refers to her boyfriend as someone she can see herself with in twenty years. Any maybe that�s a more realistic way of thinking about a relationship. You�re my okay-for-now, my good-enough, my at-least. My weekend love squeeze. Baby. Yet I mourn that loss of faith (for both of us) so much more than I mourn the actual physical absence of the Ginger. � In other news, a friend of mine with polycystic ovary disease was telling me about �horny bleeding� and now I want to use this in a short story. Basically, she has irregular bleeding but, when she gets aroused, she bleeds�sometimes for several days. And this could be a real issue now that she�s involved with someone. But now I really better get back to work because I�d like to get out of here before gas prices rise even higher than the $3.09/gallon that I paid at lunch. BEST BUMPERSTICKER: Bush 2004: No child left a dime. 4:40 p.m. - 2005-09-30 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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