pantoum's Diaryland Diary

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EVERYBODY KNOWS THIS IS NOWHERE

ATAVISTIC
by Irene McKinney

I wanted to walk without clothing
in the woods beside the creek,
and to come to the barn at night

and sleep beside the horses, curled
in the smell and scratch of hay
with the bitch and pups.

The life of the house was flat,
filled with monotonous talking,
passing to and fro among the rooms,

and for what. My mother hated
animals, the way they ate the
food and dirtied the floor.

They were her enemies; she fought
their right to be there and
would have wiped them off the earth

if she could have. If a cat or a dog
came too close to the back door she
threw scalding water on it, and

was righteous in her anger, shouting
that they were not human and
didn't feel real pain.

If we must choose sides, I said
as a child, I take
the side of the animals.

Last night, I really wanted to fall asleep with a cat purring against me—spooning one, as Cosmos would let me do sometimes (although he usually wound up curled atop my knees or, if he wanted to turn me into a human combustion machine, wrapped around my head). ... Maybe Computergrrl will let me hang out with her kitties soon; she says they're sweet.

Went to bed about 11:30 and was exhausted, but had trouble falling asleep ... I guess because I am me. Slept hard when I got there, then woke up with a squinty little eye.

This usually means my allergies are acting up. Or maybe I had Popeye dreams all night and haven't yet recovered from my spinach-craving ways.

Today Filmgrrl flies to New York City to begin her three-week vacation. I hope she arrives here on July 5.

READING: Where Are You Going to Spend Eternity?, a pamphlet that the good people at Dairy Queen slipped into my bag

LISTENING TO: Sibelius, Valse Triste, Opus 44, Lento, conducted by Leonard Bernstein (because I can't usually work with words)

SANG IN SHOWER: Neil Young's Everybody Knows This Is Nowhere (Gotta get away from this day-to-day running around. Everybody knows this is nowhere. Now THAT's telling!)

SELECTED SPAM: you're a fool if you wont give it a shot berman • Keep your woman happy. Get a vibrating ring.

4:03 p.m. - 2005-06-22

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